 | | | | Tuesday 15 March 2011
| Slipknot Issues A Statement About Their Summer Live Shows Slipknot Issues A Statement About Their Summer Live Shows For their upcoming shows in 2011, Slipknot has asked Donnie Steele to fill in for Paul Gray on bass. Donnie, as some may recall, was the original guitar player in Slipknot and had actually reconnected with Paul in recent years. Said the band on their decision, “Donnie was in the band at the very beginning, and rather than get an outsider, we thought it would be a fitting tribute to Paul to play with someone from within the family. Donnie was great friends with Paul and we can’t think of a better way to celebrate his memory than with someone who was there with us at the very beginning. The eight of us are looking forward to being onstage again and honoring Paul’s legacy with our families in Europe and Brazil this summer.†Check out the summer Slipknot dates here. Share on Facebook | |
Wednesday 16 February 2011
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| Popcorn, anyone? Popcorn, anyone?
We all know that my column is more often than not an attempt at humor. Today’s column isn’t a humorous story, it’s a cautionary tale about the vagaries of the promoting business and festivals. I am now going to issue the disclaimer that opinions expressed here are strictly my own and not necessarily those of management…but then again management can kiss my ass!
Almost everyone reading this has either been involved in or attended a festival here in Texas. Festival season is a great deal of fun that allows the public to see several good bands for one reasonable price as they get their shine on, expose body parts (well some do) and sing and dance to their personal favorite bands. These festivals are held all over the state during the spring, summer and fall of each year. Most festivals take at least 6 months to plan and there are very strict guidelines you use if you want to be able to feed your children for the rest of the year. There is careful planning to be done and everything you do should be done with a methodical precision, dotting all I’s and crossing all t’s.
My fictional tale begins with a festival being held for three days in a DRY county…hmmm, there is problem number one in my book. Who in the hell had THAT bright idea? Everyone knows that if you are coming to a festival, you are planning on having fun and usually that involves a beer or ten. A roster is selected and in this instance posted everywhere before contracts are done, oops problem number two has just reared its ugly head. I am fairly sure that your butt can be sued if you are promoting a show that hasn’t been confirmed by contracts. Sponsors are found and promised certain things in writing for their sponsorship. Oh dear, problem number three has just arisen! If you don’t follow through on these certain things then a breach of contract can ensue and you can end up letting a judge decide who is at fault. Additionally, these sponsors can pull the plug on things at any point if you don’t have it in writing that they are locked in and in this fictional instance, they did. Let me now introduce you to the star of this fictional tale, the promoter whom I shall fondly call Mr. Snail Trail. Mr. Trail has slimed his way through the industry using everyone and everything to his advantage. He makes promises he has no intention of keeping, he throws up a screen of smoke and mirrors to divert you from facts and will cry foul if you so much as query him about the accounting for a show. If you question him on any detail he feigns righteous indignation and resorts to the juvenile tactics of name calling, slurs, slander and rumors that are calculated to divert attention (once again) from the real source of the problem. Why yes, that would be Mr. Snail Trail. Mr. Trail now has to figure out a way to soothe the sponsors and keep them on board. He scrambles to rectify what is taking place but his reputation has preceded him and he is met with stone faces and requests for return of sponsorship funds (which he has been living on thinking that he would make it up in pre sales.) Oh, did I forget to mention that this type of guy doesn’t have a pot to piss in so he isn’t really worried about losing on the show? Of course he isn’t, it’s other people’s money that he uses so he has absolutely nothing to lose! When the show fails he finds a way to assess blame on anyone and anything but his poor planning or blatant thievery.
Mr. Trail and his brethren feed off the innocent and honorable people, with no moral compass like the one most of us have in our heads that tells us “No, you cannot take advantage of that person. It would be ethically the wrong thing to do.†They are also the ones who make this business a sleazy undertaking at best. Don’t get me wrong, I have met some GREAT promoters and I have a feeling that the analogy my grandmother used can be trotted out here: one bad apple spoils the whole barrel. Promoters need to be policing themselves and weeding out the slime balls that pervade the industry, after all it’s their reputations that are at stake.
The bottom line is that if a promoter approaches you to invest in a show make certain that you know the individual very well, that he has a business plan and that he is presenting you with a written contract specifying return of your investment through advertising, promotion or monetary compensation. For those of you that play in these festivals, when a guy asks you to play for nothing the correct response is NO. Trust me, he is just filling space with your warm body in the hope that you will bring your own crowd in (and yes, of course he expects them to be lining his pockets with money they paid to come see you.) Yes, I know he told you that this would be great exposure for you, that NEXT time he will move you further up the roster and that it will help your career. Guess what? He lies, his entire concern is that you are there to help offset the cost of the big boy talent because he has yet to figure out the way to screw them out of money. Thank God for big boy management companies because they take care of their talent!
In this story, Mr. Snail Trail doesn’t get to pull this off. Musicians decide that playing for nothing is not in their best interest, that the stench of being associated with a slime ball isn’t worth it and sponsors start clamoring for return of their money. Mr. Trail finally gets to meet the karma train - head on. He is bound to the tracks by all the misdealings, financial malfeasance, lies, slander and libel as the train bears down on him gathering speed as it heads his way. You can hear the gnashing of teeth as he wrings his hands at the injustice of it all and those of us that have watched him abuse others are pulling up our lawn chairs and popping some popcorn for the show. I just love a happy ending! Popcorn, anyone?
[Submitted by Radical Red]
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Monday 14 February 2011
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| Internet Radio Advertising Effectiveness Internet Radio Advertising Effectiveness  With the increase in the use of internet radio more and more companies are turning to internet radio advertising as a way to get their message across to a national audience.
However the question remains, is internet radio advertising effective? According to TargetSpot, an internet radio advertising agency, listenership of online radio stations is up 27% over last year. They estimate that there are 42 million people that listen to internet radio each week. The most interesting pert of their study was that many people report that they listen to online radio while they are shopping online. Combination of Online Radio Advertising Benefits A recent study by Radio Ad Lab (PDF), an independent research group, shows that online radio advertising can be effective because it combines two unique features into one advertising medium. Radio advertising works because of the personal nature of radio. The power of voice allows radio advertising to tap into the word of mouth feeling that is so effective in advertising. It adds a little more credibility to the message than some other forms of advertising. On the other hand, the internet is perceived as being more factual. It is a place where many people turn for information, and to better understand the world. When you combine that with the power of radio, you can see how internet radio advertising can be very effective. Take Advantage of Shopping Habits Another way that internet radio advertising is effective is by taking advantage of the changes in shopping habits over the past several years. The majority of people that use  the internet on at least a semi-regular basis use the internet as their primary shopping research tool. Even those that prefer to buy in a traditional store will still research products and services online. One problem with radio and television advertising is that customers don’t always remember the web address they saw or heard in the commercial that interested them. By the time they get back to the computer some of the details are lost, and they will not always find you to deliver the product that they heard you advertise. Studies have shown that a large percentage of people will take the time to follow up on an interesting commercial they hear while online. They are already at their computers, so it is a natural step to go to a website that they hear about through internet radio advertising. That is a huge advantage for an advertiser. Not only are they intrigued enough by your message to go to your site, but the message is immediately reinforced with the content they see once they look at your sales page.
Use In Combination One other important finding of the Radio Ad Lab study was the effectiveness of a internet radio advertising campaign in combination with a website marketing campaign.  The study showed that by combining more traditional internet advertising with online radio advertising, customers were able to recall over four-times as much information about the ads as they were from viewing just two internet ads.
That is a huge boost for business owners. Not only are you able to reach a larger audience than with local radio advertising, internet radio advertising combines with other online advertising will cause your message to be remembered. The real impact of the combination of internet radio advertising and website advertising is that the companies that were included in the study saw a significant increase in their sales. That is the real test of any adverting campaigns effectiveness. Internet radio advertising is starting to become a more popular form of advertising. By taking advantage of people research and shopping habits, it makes it much easier for people to act on your message, and to buy your product or service from you. There are services that can help you with your internet radio advertising, and it might be worth your time and effort to look into the services they provide to get started. Points To Keep In Mind… - Internet radio advertising combines the power of voice with the credibility of the internet.
- People that hear an as online are more likely to go to the web address they hear in the commercial.
- Combining internet radio advertising with traditional internet advertising increases the customer’s ability to remember your message by four-times over just online advertising alone.
- There has been a 27% increase in the number of people listening to internet radio since 2007.
- Many people report that they listen to internet radio while they shop online.
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Sunday 13 February 2011
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| Craig Nicholls, The Vines, Alternative and Autism The point of the following is to let people know that Autism does NOT preclude a person being a high functioning member of society. The story of Craig Nicholls, lead singer for the alternative group The Vines tells this tale and shows that Autism strikes everywhere.
Early days
Craig Nicholls is second youngest of four, having two sisters and a brother. He spent his childhood listening to The Beatles and painting. He attended Marist College Penshurst. Nicholls dropped out of school during his tenth grade year of high school. As Nicholls was interested in painting, he chose to enroll in an art school to study painting. He supported his vocation with money earned at a food service job (at a McDonald's restaurant in South Hurstville, Sydney). There he met future bandmates, Patrick Matthews (who left the band in 2004) and David Oliffe (former drummer). To form a quartet, Nicholls invited his school-mate Ryan Griffiths to join in the band. Nicholls said in an interview that he had kept the band's name as Rishikesh pertaining to the place in India where his favourite band The Beatles had gone. During their gig days, the newspapers would misprint their band name as 'Rishi Chasms', so Nicholls decided to change the name to The Vines, a reference to his father's frontman role in the 1960s band The Vynes. His father taught him to play guitar when he was a child.
Nicholls had never written songs until they started playing gigs. He stated in an interview that once he started writing songs, he started loving it and continued to write more and more songs. Moreover, he stated that writing was a good outlet for him.[1] At the APRA Awards of 2003 he won the 'Breakthrough Songwriter Award'.[2]
With gigs that included playing for backyard parties, and a regular spot on a local radio station, they gathered a following in Sydney and eventually reached the notice of Capitol Records. Several of Nicholls' paintings were used as the covers for The Vines' albums Highly Evolved, Winning Days (self portrait only), and singles Highly Evolved, and Outtathaway!.
Asperger syndrome
At the beginning of a promotional show for Triple M radio, Nicholls bleated at the audience and demanded that the crowd not talk during the performance. When Nicholls heard someone laugh, he said to the crowd,"Why the f--- are you laughing? You're all a bunch of sheep. Can you go baa?" When a photographer snapped a picture of Nicholls a second later, he kicked out at her, smashing her camera. As a result, Patrick Matthews never played with The Vines again (he has since joined Youth Group) and Triple M banned The Vines from being played on their radio station. Nicholls was accompanied by his brother Matt, and his manager and friend Andy Kelly in Balmain Local Court in Sydney on 19 November 2004. There it was revealed that Nicholls has Asperger syndrome.
This had been suspected by Nicholls' guitar technician, English roadcrew veteran Tony Bateman, who had toured with The Cure, Sisters Of Mercy and Black Sabbath. He suspected that there was something clinically different with Nicholls and downloaded information about Asperger syndrome, later handing it over to Andy Kelly. The judge dropped all charges against Nicholls on the condition that he sought immediate treatment. Nicholls yelled "I'm free!" upon leaving the courthouse.[3]
He was under medical treatment and underwent therapy for six months. He has given up his intake of fast food and marijuana habit.[4]
Nicholls has spoken about his condition in various interviews when asked about it.[1][4]
Musical equipment
Craig Nicholls' Highly Evolved days live setup included a Marshall Super Lead head and cab with a black Fender Stratocaster. His amp was set on a clean tone and for lead and distortion tones he would use a Boss MT-2 pedal. He also used a Boss Chorus pedal for clean tones and for oscillating feedback. His Winning Days setup was very similar except he used a Garage Spalt & Scala Custom guitar and a Boss tremolo and flange pedal. The Vision Valley setup however changed as he was using a white Stratocaster and a Sunn head and cab and for the Melodia setup his amp, pedals and guitar has remained the same. Nicholls has also always used a Boss TU-2 tuner and has played occasionally a Gibson SG and Guild acoustic guitars. As of late 2010, Nicholls has gone back to using a black Fender Stratocaster.
[edit] References1.^ a b Craig McLean (5 March 2006). "Stop Making Sense". The Guardian. . Retrieved 2007-06-10.
2.^ "2003 Winners - APRA Music Awards". Australasian Performing Right Association (APRA). . Retrieved 16 November 2010.
3.^ "Vines Singer Diagnosis Revealed". NME. 19 November 2004. . Retrieved 2007-06-10.
4.^ a b "The Vines". Mushroom Records. . Retrieved 2007-06-10.
[Submitted by Radical Red]
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| David Crosby - Life and Transplant Recipient Possibly more than anyone on the planet, David Crosby has lived a life that is emblematic of his generation’s dizzying journey -- an agrarian ride through exhilarating highs and soul crushing lows on the paths of creative expression, political activism, personal growth and spiritual self-discovery. And yet amazingly, Crosby continues in perfect step with our times: healthy, sober and as productive as ever, he heads into the new millennium with a host of fresh creative projects and a successful new band, CPR, an aggregation that in itself is small miracle of creative synchronicity that grew out of the musician’s chance reunion with his 30 year-old biological son.
A founding member of two seminal rock bands, Crosby is a two-time inductee in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. When the singer/songwriter stepped onstage in front of some 500,000 music- and life-celebrating - fans at Woodstock in 1969 as part of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young -- Crosby both shared and contributed to what many see as the generation’s defining moment. In the three decades that followed, he enjoyed stunning artistic and financial success, collecting multiple gold and platinum records while continuing to be an artistic firebrand with over a dozen albums by Crosby, Stills and Nash (and sometimes Young), solo projects and duet albums with fellow band member Graham Nash. But long before Woodstock, Crosby had already made his mark on rock music and the culture that spawned it.
The son of Academy Award-winning cinematographer Floyd Crosby (“High Noonâ€, “Tabuâ€, among others), the performer grew up in Santa Barbara, and then migrated south to Los Angeles during the folk music revival of the early 60’s. During this period he also traveled extensively throughout the United States as a solo singer/songwriter, honing his craft alongside such luminaries as Fred Neil, Cass Elliot, Bob Dylan and many others, performing dates at college hootenannies and smoke-filled coffeehouses. After a brief stint (with his late brother, Chip) in Les Baxter’s Balladeers, Crosby returned to L.A. in 1963, eventually joining forces with fellow musicians Roger (formerly Jim) McGuinn, Gene Clark, Chris Hillman, and Michael Clarke as the Byrds -- a ground-breaking band that virtually gave birth to the Folk/Rock genre, possibly the most important wave in pop music during the mid-60’s.
The group’s distinctive sound blended the melodic strength and sweetness of folk music with the energy and drive of amplified rock, propelled by McGuinn’s 12-string electric guitar and Crosby’s ethereal harmonies. Beginning with a effulgent interpretation of Bob Dylan’s “Mr. Tambourine Man†- an international Top-ten it which combined the best elements of The Beatles and Dylan - continuing with classic material such as Clark’s “I’ll Feel A Whole Lot Betterâ€, a re-working of Pete Seeger’s “Turn, Turn, Turn†and culminating with the progressive psychedelic classic “Eight Miles High,†(co-written by Crosby) the Byrds perfectly conveyed the mix of social irony, youthful optimism and free expression that characterized the still-dawning “youth counterculture.â€
Following Gene Clark’s departure in mid-1966, Crosby was given more room to express himself as a songwriter, and took great advantage of the creative space, delivering such visionary compositions as “What’s Happening?!?!â€, “Renaissance Fairâ€, “Tribal Gathering†and “Everybody’s Been Burnedâ€. These songs brought forth a wellspring of musical ideas and moods that began to define Crosby’s sense of progressive style, a style that continues to this very day. Utilizing open guitar tunings, extraordinary chord progressions and occasional Jazz-inspired melodic flavors – as well as intelligent, penetrating lyrics which mirrored the mood of the day, it was often the case that many of Crosby’s songs that stood out on such Byrds albums as Younger Than Yesterday and Notorious Byrd Brothers.
Crosby’s musical and personal idealism often found him clashing with the other members of The Byrds, and by autumn of 1967 he was unceremoniously fired from the band. Immediately after this, on a trip to Florida, he purchased a sixty-foot wooden schooner, “The Mayan,†that the sea-loving artist still sails today. On this trip he also met Joni Mitchell, and wasting neither time nor talent, Crosby went to work producing the debut album that introduced the world to this extraordinary genius singer and songwriter. In fact, Mitchell was just one in a long line of talented artists -- including Jefferson Airplane, the Grateful Dead, Jackson Browne, and Phil Collins -- whose careers have been graced through the years by Crosby’s support, participation and encouragement.
Meanwhile in 1968, Crosby had begun writing songs with Stephen Stills, at the time partnered with Neil Young in Buffalo Springfield. The pair knew they had struck musical gold when they invited singer-songwriter Graham Nash, from the British band the Hollies, to add his voice to theirs on two songs, "Helplessly Hoping" and "You Don't Have To Cry." In Crosby’s words, "When we heard Nash put on that third harmony, I thought I was gonna die.... It was about the rightist thing I ever heard."
In 1969 the trio released their debut album, Crosby, Stills & Nash. The group’s unprecedented sound, superb musicianship and collection of enduring original songs, including Crosby's near-Elizabethan "Guinevere,†and the Aquarian anthem, “Wooden Ships†(co-authored by Crosby, Stills and the Airplane’s Paul Kantner) sent the album straight to number one on the charts. That summer, Neil Young joined the congregation, and the Woodstock performance cemented their identity as an iconic presence in rock music, and thirty years of successful tours and albums have repeatedly reaffirmed that fact.
In 1970, Crosby also released his solo debut, …If I Could Only Remember My Name, a record that is still considered one of the greatest albums of the 1970’s. Although overflowing with sterling guest performances by Neil Young, Graham Nash as well as members of Jefferson Airplane, Grateful Dead and Santana, the innovative album clearly illustrated how much Crosby had grown as a truly original and imaginative musician. Aside from this landmark project, Crosby also paired up with Graham Nash in between CSN (&Y) albums and tours, and throughout the 1970’s the duo cut several excellent albums, including the critically acclaimed Wind On The Water, among others.
But the astonishing numbers of creative highs in Crosby’s life have been offset by an equally mind-boggling share of personal challenges and disasters. Drugs and alcohol were an omnipresent part of the music scene, and for Crosby, success led to increasingly destructive habits, and eventual alienation from most of his friends and fellow musicians. As the 1980’s began he found himself in the grips of a serious drug abuse problem. He had found lasting romance with Jan Dance, who worked at Criteria Studios in Florida; but the couple’s bond couldn’t compensate for the downward addictive spiral of their lives.
The crash came in 1985, when a drug-related arrest in Dallas a few years earlier resulted in a prison term for Crosby. He spent a year in Texas jails before the court overturned his conviction on appeal, and he was set free. In that time both Crosby and Dance had undergone detoxification and the first steps toward recovery. After the musician’s release the two were married, beginning a happy life together that continues to flourish today.
Yet, in spite of his hard-won personal transformation and renewed productivity, Crosby endured a new series of personal disasters in the 1990’s. These included a serious motorcycle accident, financial woes due to criminal mishandling of his business affairs, and severe earthquake damage to his lovingly restored home, followed by its loss through foreclosure. By far the worst news, however, was the threat to his life the musician faced as his liver, damaged by years of substance abuse and a previously undiagnosed case of Hepatitis “C,†went into rapid deterioration. By 1995 Crosby was hospitalized, facing certain death in a very short time unless he received a liver transplant.
In a series of events worthy of Charles Dickens, an organ donor miraculously became available and the musician’s life was saved by a successful transplant; almost simultaneously, 30 year-old professional composer and keyboardist James Raymond discovered through a birth record search that Crosby was his biological father; the two met, and not only got along, but formed a personal and musical connection that eventually led to their teaming with guitarist Jeff Pevar in the new band, christened CPR. Crosby told BAM magazine at the time, “The kind of telepathic interchange that takes place between these guys is the kind of thing that I have with Nash. It's astounding.†In this same short season of miracles, Crosby and his wife gave birth to a son, Django, and James and Stacia Raymond presented Crosby with a new granddaughter, Grace.
Today, Crosby continues to tour and record with CPR, who have so far released three critically lauded albums, CPR, CPR Live at the Wiltern, and 2001’s Just Like Gravity, which appeared on several ‘Top-Ten albums of the year’ polls, including the venerable rock magazine, ‘Crawdaddy!’. In addition, a lifetime of blissfully dedicated and committed work for the environment, free speech, human rights and other causes inspired the artist to write a book documenting the activism and social awareness of contemporary musical artists. Titled Stand and Be Counted, the book was being made into a series of television documentaries, with Crosby selecting the subjects from among his friends and doing many of the interviews.
Aside from all of this activity, David Crosby didn’t ignore his “day job†with CSN&Y, and the legendary quartet conducted two monumentally artistic and financially successful U.S. tours between 2000 and 2002, as well as recording and releasing the acclaimed Looking Forward on Warner Bros. Records, which featured Crosby’s song, “Stand And Be Counted†as a sort of musical centerpiece.
With a new family, a successful new band and quite literally a new lease on life, David Crosby is a genuinely happy man whose passion and artistry continues to touch and inspire us all.
Bryan Alsop
[Submitted by Radical Red]
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Saturday 12 February 2011
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| RED SEA RISING LATEST REVIEW BY KELLI LEVANS !! When preparing for a review a good writer will research the band, songs, projects, web sites, and the such for an over all view of the entire compilation and sound arrangements to convey to the reader why, they too, shall support the artist and buy the record.
While researching my planned review of "EYE OF THE STORM," by professional studio artist's and nationally touring band RED SEA RISING, I was caught up in an ecliptic reality of more then music, but living, breathing emotion and enlightened energy.
EYE OF THE STORM first reminded me of an ALAN PARSON's type project, until I dove deeper into the world of the entourage of websites, collaborations and state of the art studio work that went into the making of Eye of the Storm.
My favorite track on the LP is "Just Bleed," flowing into the corners of your mind , reflecting on your own pains and pleasures, and ups and downs.
A rollercoaster of emotion.
"Walk Beside Me" is a complicated track. You must listen to loud with a good sound system to really grab the intelligence and grace behind the production.
I can't wait until RED SEA RISING members Jeffery Kerr ( Jet Ryder) lead vocals/ Ken Pinkstaff , lead guitar/Jimmy Salazar , rhythm guitars, vocals/ KC Anderson , bass/David Franklin (Lunchbox) drums/Steve Kapeller keyboards/GUNNER, everything and all, fly into the Milwaukee/Chicago area and rock the midwest.
Get it while it's hot! RED SEA RISING..what a strange trip it's been!
RED SEA RISING
EYE OF THE STORM
THREE WORLD's AWAY RECORDS 2011
BUY TODAY
COMING SOON TO ROCKBAND
RSR MYSPACE
RSR FACEBOOK
RSR TWITTER
By Kellie Levans
* Milwaukee Rock Music Examiner
Kellie Levans has over 25 years experience in the music industry. She is a technical writer, video journalist, and web developer. She is all about...
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| GHOST STORY !! ...The Ghostly Crew of SS Watertown........................
In December 1924 the American tanker SS Watertown was heading down the Californian coast to New Orleans via the Panama Canal when two sailors Courtney and Meehan, were asphyxiated by oil fumes. Their bodies were buried at sea off the Mexican Coast ...
Just before dusk, the following day the first mate saw to faces in the waves off the port side. He recognised the two sailors immediately. The heads ( 3D in water ...and clear to the eye) continued to reappear daily while the ship was in the Pacific and were seen on many occasions by virtually every member of the crew, either independently or in groups. The two heads appeared about 3 mtrs apart, some 13 mtrs from the ship, floating on the crests of the waves. Larger than living heads, the spectres stayed for about 10 seconds , faded and reappeared. Once the ship was in the Atlantic Ocean the heads were no longer seen.........
On arrival at New Orleans, Captain Tracy reported to the shipping office - the Cities Service Company. Noone on board the ship had a camera with which to photograph the sight , ship's mate bought one before the return voyage . When the apparition appeared once again, Captain Tracy photographed the faces, then locked the camera and film in his safe. Later a commercial editor found nothing unusual on 5 of the 6 exposures, but one shows the faces quite distinctly. A detective agency asked to examine the negative, found no trace of fraud..................
The faces appeared less frequently on the third voyage, the weather was stormy ..and no photos worked out, after this voyage the crew was changed, and there were no more reports of sightings . Not everyone below decks believed in the faces . Some claim the apparitions were optical effects, and that identification with the dead sailors was simple suggestion. But optical effects are unlikely to be recur day after day and be seen by several people every time. The photograph , if it is genuine , is not easy to explain away.....................
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Friday 11 February 2011
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| Humor-Dear Bar Owner Dear Bar Owner,
As musicians who get all the glory, we feel it’s time to thank those whom we rely upon for the opportunity to showcase our talent and express our creative faculty to the local community. Because, as everyone knows, musicians don't really need the money. We do it all for beer and blow jobs. We're artists. We have no time for such trivialities as kids, mortgages, or car payments.
Some of the things we love:
When you send us home early and pro-rate our pay for the night when it's slow. This gives us a special thrill, since we know that you'll one day give us a big bonus when it's packed. Plus, by leaving early, we can now go watch our friends play at real bars and spend our night's wages.
When trying to book dates, we love when you ask us if we're “free on “the 17th.†Sure, let us check our fucking calendar. Yeah, we're open that night. Oh…you meant of November. Of this year?
We also love when you say, “Well, we might be doing something next month for Thursdays.†Yeah, we might also be doing something next month. Foreclosing.
One of our fave questions is, “Do you have a following?†Of course we do! We firmly believe club owners shouldn't have to concern themselves with such banalities as advertising. Or promotions. Or drink specials. The responsibility for attracting customers must fall solely with the band. We have no doubt whatsoever the people who saw us regularly at that bar in Dallas will charter a bus and trek up to Richardson to hear us play Smoke on the Water. Put your minds at rest, o’ troubled bar proprietors.
Just a few of the things we'd like to thank you for:
For canceling us forty minutes prior to our arrival at your bar, because as everyone knows, babysitters are free, and frankly, we have nothing better to do on a Saturday night.
For replacing our four-piece band with the clove cigarette-smoking guy and his $129 Fender acoustic guitar, paisley button-down shirt and soul patch. There’s a reason he works for fifty bucks.
For paying the exact same wage for a duo that you paid in 1986. So now, we have to work six jobs a week instead of four to make a living.
Thanks for not cashing your own checks. We realize how this complicates your accountant's life, and his happiness is all that matters.
And for having the house music set to the local oldies radio station, we salute you. We love following "Unchained Melody" with "Rock the Casbah."
For not having a stage. It’s a real treat to stand on your wing sauce-saturated carpet. And being on the same level as your patrons makes it much easier for drunken assholes to approach us and fall into our equipment while spewing a three-foot stream of vomit onto the drum kit. Thank you.
Thanks for the track lighting above the stage. Makes us feel like rock stars. Especially when they're colored.
Also, thanks for the break on food and drinks. Fifty percent is such a gift. It’s our distinct pleasure to shell out $3.25 for a shot of Jack that costs you twenty-two cents. Grazie. Merci. Domo. Danke.
Thanks for hiring the three laid-off bus mechanics who threw a band together after the economy shit the bed and will now play for $75 a man. Enjoy their ripping 11-minute rendition of “Cocaine,†complete with 64-bar bass solo and fudged lyrics.
Thanks for canceling us on a Thursday night for the Browns-Lions game on NFL Network.
Thanks for putting TVs directly over our heads, so people can watch “World’s Scariest Videos†while we play. It’s always a thrill to hear such expletives as “WHOA!â€, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!†while navigating the soliloquy from “Nights in White Satin.â€
And let us not forget the bartenders, who listen to us all night without once clapping (if for no other reason than to induce the comatose people at the bar to clap).
And thanks so much for cutting off the jukebox 10 seconds into "Sweet Home Alabama," so that we can hear that collective "AWWWWWW...." from the audience as we hit the stage. Most inspiring.
Thanks for waiting until you've served all drinks, lit every cigarette, wiped off the bar, stocked the coolers and done your side work before moping toward the cash register with the quickness of a tai chi instructor to give us our meager salary while muttering, “They make as much as me, and only worked four fuckin’ hours.â€
Yes, it’s a travesty, but most high-level universities no longer give out bartending scholarships. And please note that it took us slightly longer to learn our instrument than it took for you to make it through Billy Bob’s Bartending School. And we doubt seriously that you sit at home practicing bartending in your spare time. So thanks for handing over the dough and shutting the [censored] up.
[Submitted by Radical Red]
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Thursday 10 February 2011
| Van Halen's Guitar Heads For Smithsonian EDDIE VAN HALEN's most famous guitar has been handed to America's Smithsonian museum - but it won't be on display to the public.
The rocker's iconic red, white and black instrument - nicknamed Frank 2 - has found a new home at the National Museum of American History in Washington, D.C.
But Van Halen fans will not be able to view the homemade, Fender-style guitar - a spokesman for the Smithsonian tells Spinner.com the instrument will not go on show.
[Submitted by Radical Red]
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| Rolling Stones Tour In Doubt The Rolling Stones' latest tour could be in jeopardy because of Sir Mick Jagger is still unhappy with bandmate Keith Richards for claiming he had a ''tiny todger'' - a British slang term for penis.
The Rolling Stones' latest tour is reportedly in jeopardy following a row over the size of Sir Mick Jagger's manhood.
The group's frontman is said to still be angry with his bandmate Keith Richards after he claimed in his autobiography and an interview last year that Mick had a small penis and plans for a new set of concerts have been put on hold.
A source told the Daily Mirror newspaper: "Mick read Keith's book before publication and didn't have any great problem with it.
"It was the fact that it was all dredged up in the interview afterwards that really upset him. Many believe this is the real reason why talks in relation to the tour have broken down."
The band were set to tour this year but it is now looking increasingly unlikely, while organisers of the 2012 London Olympics are desperately trying to get them to perform at the opening ceremony.
In his book 'Life', Keith referred to Mick as "unbearable" as well as saying his former girlfriend Marianne Faithfull had "no fun with his tiny todger".
Mick, 67, hit back at Keith, 66, describing the autobiography as "tedious".
He said: "Personally. I think it's really quite tedious raking over the past. Mostly, people only do it for the money."
Source:
[Submitted by Radical Red]
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